Wednesday, December 3, 2008

OH,CHA-NEL-NO!










So I been away from you guys for a lil minute...didja miss me? Stop lyin!! You did to miss me. Where else you gonna get this much truth in one sitting,the newspaper?!! Tcha right!
Allow me to take a minute to explain where I have been,would you believe working? Yeah I am as shocked as you,happily surprised but surprised nonetheless...for anyone who has followed my steez (slang for style) for any extended amount of time then you guys already know about the plot to keep me unemployed and broke so I can't realize my dream of being a misanthropic philanthropist,which would enable me to help more people than I can help now...for those of you who don't, you should check me out at myspace.com/the voice_ofreason you can see the blog there titled EveryMan's Guide to Avoiding Chalk (An outline).
Now this last gig ended a few weeks ago and now that it is over I can finally tell you about these spoiled,self important,over priviledged,under appreciative bichez and some bastards too.




The gig was for Chanel...ooh lala...a company, who's rep told us on the first day that is trying to change it's image to be more accesible and less intimidating,basically they want to get a face lift because they are old and bitchy. Well they are not doing such a great job. Especially when you consider that the clientele has mostly gotten nothing but older and bitchier,I guess because after years of being able to get away with treating people like dirt it's harder to put on a smile and pretend that you like the "common folk" well that and the fact that the eight facelifts you've had in the last five years makes it impossible to smile without making your eyeballs protrude beyond your nose and the botox injections that you think nobody notices has turned your face into an expressionless manequin head...apologies to manequins everywhere. I mean really,do you think nobody can see those injection points on the lip-lines of your too taut faces?
Ladies,young and old,please stop getting these injections,not only does it not help,I think its turning some of you into zombies...or were you already dead inside?




There were countless examples of money gone wrong during that gig and my tongue is still slightly swollen (try sayin that three times fast) from biting it so many times because apparently being rich does not include common sense or an ability to follow instructions,manners or having to be cordial to those trying to help you. I can't tell you how many times I had to repeat myself because someone decided that they were too good to have to listen to a commoner. The attitude being they are as informed if not more so than I,therefore what could I possible tell them that they don't already know. Like the woman who though that she was going shopping inside the structure for Chanel merchandise...dumb ass! Had you been paying attention with your ears instead of your purse maybe you wouldn't have spent 45 minutes standing around in line annoying anyone within fourty feet of you...beeeee---aaaaaatch!
It was also indeed very frustrating having to listen to these banal conversations based mainly in ignorance. Now don't misunderstand me,I have meaningless converstaion all the time but I am telling you guys...you have not heard banal until you've listened to an aging plastic surgery and shopaholic stand in line and speak with a friend on a Blackberry.
At one point during the three weeks of mostly torturous standing around looking pretty,not really doing anything,wishing bad things on some of the captains (all but one actually)I had the distinct pleasure of hearing an overdressed,over priviledged and very overbearing woman say;"I spend thousands of dollars at Chanel so I don't think I should have to wait in line with the general public." I didn't make that up just because it sounds really effed up and goes right along with the theme...no,I am not that imaginative,this was actually said and said with verve and sincerity...she would go on to add that she has stopped shopping at places for less and if she couldn't get in before the hundred or so people in front of her she was just going to let her daughter (poor girl) take some photos (with her really expensive camera) and then they were leaving. This is just one example of why I think I am starting to hate rich people...okay...I've always hated rich people...until you work for one you will only envy them for their wealth and hard work...except that most of them (and the difference was pointed out to me by a man who wanted me to know that not ALL rich people are azzholes) never worked for any of that money,they either married into money or was born into money...the latest expression for such being;"you were born on third base and you think you hit a triple?!" This behavior has to be checked before it gets worse and I'm just the guy to check you self important douchez! Oh by the way I have learned that women can be douche bags too..pass it on.




So I have talked about the clientel now let me get up in the ass of the staff and those who hired us.
It has long been my understanding that a captain is supposed to go down with the ship and be an example for his/her crew. That is unless you were a captain on this gig and your name was not Jim (coolest). If you have ever worked with someone who was in all actuality your equal but they thought they were your superior because of a silly little title that they also took advantage of then you must have been working this Chanel gig too...these dude were serious ass thermometers...as in...anal...as in...you don't want that because you're not a child anymore...as in DUDE BACK UP OFF ME!
It amazes me how some people given a position of power can go mad with that power and abuse it and those that they laud it over. Case in point. On the third Tuesday in November it rained like a sonuvabitch...ALL DAY. Now as a lowly "marshall" I had no choice but to stand in the rain with freezing toes and fingers protected only by the b.s. "parka" (which was actually just a windbreaker...a windbreaker in November!) they gave us as part of the uniform. However one the "captains" spent the better part of the day in the locker room asleep all while we stood in the slop freezing our balls off! I guess you can imagine my disgust.
Then there was the Aryan brotherhood looking jamoke who had nothing better to do but stand over my shoulder watching my every move as if the job I was doing needed his special attention...dude you better hope I never see you in the street. You would think that being on the same team might make these guys treat us with some respect and with a modicum of leniency but alas a dick is a dick is a dick!




So though it has been over for a little while now it is still fresh in my mind how that gig went and even though I made friends there because a majority of the people were really cool peeps...the standout thought is of the bishez and deekheads that I had to deal with for so many hours and the fact that they are still on my mind is YIH8uuu.




Peace keep spreadin that love...eventually it'll take.




1 comment:

lamburger jones said...

that's the beauty of contract work. which is how i mosty take restaurants, just a few weeks at a time, then zip, it's seems we're all assholes here, so let's be grown ups and just never talk again.

at least yours in condoned. people either say i QUIT or was FIRED, when really OVER.